John mulaney quotes by quotesgems.
John Mulaney is an American standup comedian, writer, actor and producer. He is best known for being a writer for Saturday Night Live. Although whatever comes from his mouth becomes a joke and made you laugh. Here are some of the best john mulaney quotes that may inspire you.
Also check- Michael scott quotes / George carlin quotes
John mulaney quotes
You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.-John mulaney quotes
As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don’t know, I just got quieter… With my friends, I was still an extrovert.-John mulaney quotes
I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.-John mulaney quotes
I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.-John mulaney quotes
Being president looks like the worst job in the world.-John mulaney quotes
Bill Clinton fascinates me because, at the time, it seemed like his shenanigans and the people after him were the biggest political stories you could ever imagine. I remember when the ‘Starr Report’ was published in the newspaper, all of us were reading it in the high-school cafeteria, and a dean started taking the newspapers away from us.-John mulaney
When you have something that you did so many jobs on and were so front and center on, and then people dislike it, you want to learn lessons from it, and you want to move on, and you want to move on too fast.-John mulaney
My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don’t think we had a family dinner where one didn’t come up.
I still like to turn on the TV and watch whatever’s on.-John mulaney
Most open-mic experiences I had were okay.
My dad is and was very funny and had a really dry sense of humor, which, as a kid, seemed un-fun. But in retrospect, it’s kind of hilarious.
You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.-John mulaney
If someone had written a review saying, ”Oh, Hello’ is stupid,’ we would have said, ‘Yeah, it is. You’re absolutely right.’ That people liked it was extremely cool.-John mulaney
I have found that people who really want to work at ‘Saturday Night Live’ and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny – but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it’s kind of nice in that way – there’s a lot of people who say, ‘I just always wanted to do this, and now I’m doing it.’
I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don’t feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience.-John mulaney
All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.-John mulaney
It’s been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I’m like, ‘Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?’ Because I’m trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up.
I look back on being 17 and think, ‘Oh my God, how did I not die?’
Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.
John mulaney quotes graduation
The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
It’s important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don’t think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time.-John mulaney
‘YOU REMEMBER BEING 12 WHEN YOU’RE LIKE, ‘NO ONE LOOK AT ME OR I’LL KILL MYSELF”
‘I’LL KEEP ALL MY EMOTIONS RIGHT HERE, AND THEN ONE DAY I’LL DIE’
‘JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE ACCURATE DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE INTERESTING’
‘I WAS IN CONNECTICUT RECENTLY DOING WHITE PEOPLE STUFF…’
‘I’M LIKE AN IPHONE’
‘AND THEN HE ORDERED ONE BLACK COFFEE FOR HIMSELF AND KEPT DRIVING’
‘YOU HAVE THE MORAL BACKBONE OF A CHOCOLATE ECLAIR’
Sometimes I – with comedy, it’s like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don’t. And when they don’t, they don’t. And that’s it. There are no appeals. You show up, and you’re like, ‘Hi! I’m -‘ and you stumble, and they’re like, ‘It’s over.’
Best john mulaney quotes
I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.
I plan to join the ‘SNL’ band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I’ll be sure to look right into camera.
’13-YEAR-OLDS ARE THE MEANEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD’
‘IN TERMS OF INSTANT RELIEF, CANCELLING PLANS IS LIKE HEROIN’
I’ve seen most of the major, important shows, but I watch them all at once, like movies, so my TV relationships are still with shows like ‘Law And Order: SVU,’ ‘Shark Tank,’ and HGTV.
I never turn on the crowd. Sometimes, you think it’s a terrible show, and then afterward, sometimes people say they really liked it. So turning on the crowd is only going to alienate the few people who might like it. What do I do in that situation? Get through it.-John mulaney
‘NOW, I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC’
Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.
If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it’s truly funny, then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial.-John mulaney
Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn’t be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.
Top 10 john mulaney quotes
I have too many influences to name. I like a wide variety of stuff, which I think has been helpful. I liked every comedian I saw on TV growing up in the ’80s. Every comedian.
I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, ‘Oh, yeah, I could be like that.’
Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I’m new in town.
The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.-John mulaney
I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve good treatment.
Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines.
In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.
Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken
I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.
If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.
John mulaney quotes college
I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.
I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.
Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time, it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped.
I never turn on the crowd. Sometimes, you think it’s a terrible show, and then afterward, sometimes people say they really liked it. So turning on the crowd is only going to alienate the few people who might like it.
I had a lot of fun writing things that died during dress rehearsal. Sometimes I remember the crazy ones that died even more fondly than the ones that did really well.
It’s really fun to be writing and producing your own sketches. You almost have more control.
As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don’t know, I just got quieter With my friends, I was still an extrovert.
My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.
With the first episode [of John Mulaney Show] I tell a story that happened to me accidentally chasing a woman down the subway.
I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don’t get a laugh but I love them so they stay.
I played basketball for five years and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away — then they’re just pants.
I was just trying to blend the stand up that I do almost with like the visual sketch stuff that I did on “Saturday Night Live.” And so in terms of how elastic in the world is, we’ll see what we can get away with.
I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.
The best-case scenario is everything goes perfect and smooth, but we’re also a new and weird show. So all my conversations were, “Hey last night didn’t go perfect but we kind of know what we’ve got in store for everybody episode-wise.
I like that idea that what I do might be mainstream. Might be.
Understudies don’t normally get invited to openings.
I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I’ve always been long-winded.
I’ve done festivals in the past where I’d be a guest, it was like, Wow, maybe someday I could play Town Hall – but that’ll be a long way off. So it’s very exciting.
My standup persona is like I’ll heighten things, but I’m observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.
An episode that is near and dear to my heart is the entire cast in one room for the night because we get bed bugs in our apartment building so we have to stay with Martin Short.
There’s [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn’t try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of “Law and Order” or something.
I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.
Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.
Having done stand-up on television and in stand-up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you’re playing to the camera.
I quit drinking because I used to drink too much, then I would black out and I would ruin parties.
If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter.
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