Deadpool Quotes On Life
“I never say this, but don’t swallow.”
“What’s a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?”
Vanessa: “Who would do such a thing?” Wade: “Hopefully you. Later tonight?”
“If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
“Your crazy matches my crazy. Big time.”
Wade: “We’re like two jigsaw pieces-weird curvy edges.” Vanessa: “Put them together and you can see the picture on top.”
Wade: “What if I held on and never let go?” Vanessa: “Ride a bitch’s back like Yoda on Luke?”
“Vanessa’s already working on plan A, B, all the way through Z. Me? I’m memorizing the details of her face. Like it’s the first time I’m seeing it. Or the last.”
“I swear to God, I’m gonna find you in the next life, and I’m gonna boombox Careless Whisper outside your window. Wham!”
“The worst part about cancer isn’t what it does to you. But what it does to the people you love. Who knew if this guy could save my life, but I knew there was only one way I could save hers.”
“Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world smells like daffodil daydream.”
“After a brief adjustment period, and a bunch of alcohol, it’s a face… I’d be happy to sit on.”
“You don’t need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you.”
Funny Deadpool Quotes
“I know, right? You’re probably thinking, ‘Whose did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?’ I can’t tell you his name, but it rhymes with ‘Polverine.’ And let me tell you, he’s got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.”
“Well, that’s just lazy writing.”
“I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it.”
“If I ever decide to become a crime-fighting swizzle, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at Neverland Mansion with some creepy, old, bald, Heaven’s Gate-looking…On that day, I’ll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.”
“You will die alone, if you could die – ideally, for other’s sake.”
“Listen, Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment — right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.”
“It’s a Big house. It’s weird I only ever see two of you. Almost like the studio couldn’t afford another X-Man.”
“When I’m finished parts will have to grow back you.”
“You’re still here? It’s over. Go home! Oh, you’re expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don’t have that kind of money. What are you expecting? Sam Jackson showing up in an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go!”
“Gonna eat till I’m tired and then sleep till I’m hungry.”
“Life is an endless series of train-wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.”
“I do not hate everything about the world. Just every show they’ve ever put on after ‘Friends’.”
Ajax: “Do you have an off switch?”
Deadpool: “It’s right next to the prostate, or is that the on switch?”
“I want to die a natural death at the age of 102 – like the city of Detroit.”
“Wow, this is such a big house, but I only ever see the two of you here. It’s like the studio didn’t have enough money for any more X-Men.”
“Zippty do dah, zippty-ay, I’m gonna blow all you dirtbags away. Plenty of bullets I’m gonna spray, Zippty do dah, zippty-ay.”
“You’re probably thinking “Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie”? I can’t tell you his name, but it rhymes with ‘pullverine’.”
“You can’t buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!”
“Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world smells like a daffodil daydream.”
“I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it. They made three of those movies. At some point, you have to wonder if he’s just a bad parent.”
“You don’t need to be a superhero to get the girl, the right girl will bring out the hero in you.”
“If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?”
“WAIT! You may be wondering why the red suit. Well, that’s so bad guys don’t see me bleed.”
“I don’t want to go to Mexico for treatment. Do you know what the Spanish word is for cancer? El cancer”
“You know what we need to do? We need to build a team. We need them tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise ten to twelve years.”
“Superhero landing. She’s gonna do a superhero landing. Wait for it! Superhero landing! You know, that’s really hard on your knees. Totally impractical, they all do it.”
“So dark. Are you sure you’re not from the DC universe?”
“Please don’t make the super-suit green…or animated!”
“Here’s the thing, Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break. Which meant it was time to return to our regularly scheduled programming.”
“Never underestimate the stupidity of idiots.”
“Four or five moments – that’s all it takes to become a hero. Everyone thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you’re offered a choice to make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend – spare an enemy. In these moments everything else falls away…”