Alan Partridge was a witty and smart person. And so were his sayings. So it’s natural that everybody fell in love with character. Since you are here, we can guess you are a fan of Alan Partridge too. Let’s celebrate the character by remembering some of his best quotes.
Alan Partridge quotes
- “I don’t like big feet. It reminds me of gammon.”
- “Do you know what this bathroom says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It’s like being inside an enormous Fox’s Glacier Mint. Which, again, to me is a bonus.”
- “Quick tip for yourself: if you’re ever doing an after-dinner speech, you say “My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I’m late, I just popped to the toilet. And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said ‘I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.’ Straight away you’ve got them by the jaffas.”
- “If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plow the family into the soil, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your brother.”
- “Go to London, I guarantee you’ll either be mugged or not appreciated. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway.”
- “Electrolysis. For hair removal… and… dissidents.”
- “BANG! I’m James Bond.
- “You make pigs smoke!”
- “Ha ha ha ha ha. You’ve got to laugh when you fall off a sofa! Bloody Sofa.”
Alan Partridge quotes on class
“Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you’d find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course… they’re altogether a higher class of fat lady.”
Alan Partridge quotes on arts
There’s never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks a go I did see someone had drawn a lady’s part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.
Alan Partridge quotes on cliches
“All those people who go around saying “Life begins at forty,” they’re notable by their absence. The nerve.”
Alan Partridge quotes on conflict
“The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down!”
Alan Partridge quotes on culture
“All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people, don’t you? Wine this, wine that. Let’s have a bit of red, let’s have a bit of white. Ooh, that’s a snazzy bouquet. Oh, this smells of, I don’t know, basil. Sometimes you just want to say, sod all this wine, just give me a pint of…mineral water.”
Alan Partridge quotes on elderly
“This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33, now this little babe can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Earlier on I put in a pound of mashed up Dundee cake, let’s take a look…not a trace! Peace of mind I’m sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board.”
Alan Partridge quotes on farmers
“If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plow the family into the soil, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your brother.”
Alan Partridge quotes on ethics
“Guide dogs for the blind. It’s cruel really, isn’t it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them.”
Alan Partridge quotes on ennui
“Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. I can’t put it back together again. Will that show up on my bill?”
“Dan’s a fantastic man! He really is. I was talking to him early and he asked me what kind of phone I had and I said a Motorola Timeport. And he said, ‘that’s saaad, you want to upgrade’. I said, so do you – to a new face. He nearly soiled himself! He said he was laughing so hard he had Kenco coming out of his nostrils, and that made me laugh. But…my nostrils were clear.”
“Convoy? Michael, you’re hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.”
These are the best Alan Partridge quotes. I hope you guys like our collection. If you have any question or suggestion then just comment below or contact us.